Inmature boy

Sometimes I think that I got stuck in adolescence. I don't like to follow orders from no one. I am rebellious. I hate rules. I'm always questioning why do I have to do things the way someone else says they have to be done.

I have too many defects, and this is one of the worsts because it has caused me a lot of trouble.

I remember that long ago in a work interview I had when I was looking for a place where to do my professional internship, the HR guy asked me what were my main virtues and defects. I mentioned back then, that one of my biggest defects was that I didn't like to follow rules. I was young and stupid. I thought that I was going to do great because I was honest with my answers. How wrong I was. Everywhere you go, rules have to be respected and procedures have to be followed in order to succeed. Even though I now know all of this, I still feel reluctant to do so. Of course I didn't get the job that time.

I think I never passed that difficult phase of my life. When I was a teenager, I used to be so defiant towards my parents and the world around me...

Maybe I need professional help, because I think I know what's wrong, but I don't know how to fix it.

Standing Out

In working to make a living, it is amazing to realize that what makes people outstanding, is just the fact that they simply do what they have to do on the right time. That's it.

Just look around and think of the ideal way things should happen. For instance, when you are at the bank waiting on a long line, wouldn't you feel thankful towards the clerk that attends people faster compared with the other ones? What makes her faster? This would be the list of her minimum skills:
1. Knowledge of the system used

2. Intelligence to understand the tasks to do

3. Effectiveness and Efficiency on what she's doing
4. No time wasting
5. Focus on customer satisfaction

The fact that she is doing what she has to do and not something else, makes her different and excellent, even though that's her responsibility. Following a procedure is enough to be outstanding in an organization where few people do it. Now if we add intelligence and common sense in an efficient and proactive way, then we are talking about excellence.

For every job or activity that we are committed to perform, we can make a little list like the example above to produce the desired output, and just do what has to be done. Simple, isn't it? Something to think about.

Exahusted

Living under stress is not a good thing. This last days I have felt so miserable that I hardly rest at night. Bed time is supposed to be a moment to rest and forget about the world, but when I'm under the effects of stress I hardly sleep. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and when I look at the clock I realize that there's 4 more hours to go before the time I usually wake up every day (6 AM). When this happens I cannot go back to sleep again and it frustrates me a lot to know that the following day I will feel like crap at work for not having a good sleep.

While I'm awake in bed this early, I think about a lot of things like work, my family, God, Things that I have to do the next day, and all sort of weird ideas about how I perceive the world, which makes me wonder if I have lived my life in a wrong way.

I hate it when I can't sleep because my brain doesn't work fine the next day. My short term memory just vanishes away and I don't rationalize well. I spend most of the day with a weird feeling of numbness. It's horrible. When on this mood, I don't do things right nor take the best decisions. I really need to rest. This feeling of exhaustion is becoming normal for me and I'm starting to think that it is the culprit of my strange way of thinking.

The likelihood of going through the same the following night is high. Something needs to happen or I'll get crazy (yes, even more).

The Differences

Without any doubt, my beliefs are very particular. Sometimes my acts and words hurt people. Sometimes they look weird to the eyes of others while my behavior seems normal for me. Sometimes I give the impression that I'm a good person and sometimes not.

I act and talk upon the things that I believe in, according to my truth, which in many cases is a lot different from what the rest of the world think. I'm conscious that my truth is not the same as for others. There's few coincidences and here is when Tolerance plays an important role in this game of everyday coexistence.

I wish I was more conscious of this matter in order to respect the beliefs of the people around me. Honestly I don't want to bother anyone. Pardon me for my mistakes.

It's late at night

and I'm here sitting on my stool at home writing today's post. Well, there's not much to say except that today, while me and my family were over at Walmart, I started to feel jealous. I realized how attractive my wife is. I saw it through the eyes of the men around staring at her. I felt that I'm too little for her. I don't remember feeling like this before. Is it my self-esteem going down? Gosh, I don't know! I just felt like crap beside her.

She was gorgeous and I was a looser. I started to think that she deserves someone better. I realized that I have not been able to make her happy. Sometimes I behave so cold towards her and I wondered how can she love someone like me, so bitter, so stupid, so dumb. I am a lucky guy.

Start

This is my first blog of the year. I feel good to start a new year. I hope this one will bring more satisfaction and joy into my life.

I have been reading about how we, as human beings, try to explain the so called reality of our everyday life. One comment in particular made me feel identified with. It stated that our brain keeps the information it gathers through our lives from what we learn in the form of a well organized matrix that we all use as a point of reference to interpret what we perceive through our senses for every single experience that we have. Such interpretations conform little by little our Surrounding Reality since the moment we are born.

We normally tend to judge every event with rules created from these interpretations, and even though everyone has its own point of view, there are common agreements regarding these interpretations that makes us share the "same" Reality and use the same rules.

Reality is a very personal experience for every single individual.

This is very interesting, and I guess you can see it when you visit places with a different culture. For instance, my personal habits as Mexican may look weird for a person who hasn't been around one, let's say, for example, a person from an isolated tribe in Mongolia. For him, I won't be behaving in a "normal" way compared to his customs, because he has not lived a similar experience before.

In situations like that, our tendency is to look for experiences closer to what we are living at the moment and come up with a rational explanation. However, that's just an interpretation from our mind, and the reality will turn out to be what the individual sees from his point of reference in a very personal way.

Something to think about, Don't you think?